some words just dont come out right :'(

Quiet rare of an occasion for me to utter something I don't mean. I, myself wasthunderstrucked by my own sentences. Sometimes you wanted to say something nice to someone but you ended up saying something else, something spiteful. That happened to me, in fact, for the very first time. If words could kill, mine would've have slaughtered a dozen of people. See, my head is a mess, it's like a mad house up there. Everything is so twisted and senseless that sometimes it tangled up with the real thing. I had so many kind words arranged in perfect sentences that ought to be something beautiful but when the time comes something malicious came out of nowhere. Sweethearts, my mind is a terrible place, it compels me. I've always been right when I claimed myself to be my own enemy, it's proven. How I wage wars upon myself, probably it's something natural to me. No, I do not know what I want, I do not know what I feel, or if I feel. Say, what do feelings feel? I am very well passed that. Probably, that's the whole problem. This thing that's happening baffles me, maybe it's caused by denial, maybe it's self-defense,maybe it's just me or maybe it's just another joke life is pulling out of its ass to miff me. If so, brava. There's no way to solve this unless I spend some timecontemplating of it and acting on it which is something I've been doing for the past few days but still I think it may take some time. You know, you can never know what someone is going through unless you have gone through the same thing, even if you did chances are it might not be exactly as how it is for that particular person. Truth is, every situation is different, there's a lot of aspects you have to consider so if someone tells you they know exactly how you feel or what you're going through kindly offer them a big cup of shut the fuck up. Anyway, I should probably hit the sac now because I tend to make zero sense past 12.